Monday, August 16, 2010

Taking out the Trash

I am not perfect. By any measure, I do not make it to perfection. I dont know why, but it seems that if I do not seem perfect all the time, then I am not good enough. I used to think that this was all in my head, but I have had people verify it. People expect me to be perfect. I should have been better about not doing so well in the past so that expectations wouldnt become so high.

It is just so hard to give yourself so much to people and then with one tiny and really insignificant mistake, they are not there for you. They come back when they need you though.

Not everyone is like this. I have made some new friends who seem actually quite the opposite. They are great!

My counselor thinks I need to talk to people more about the abuse I have incurred in life. I dont know if I can do that. He thinks that when I talk things out I am able to intellectualize and move on. He is right. The question is, how do you tell someone about horrible things that make them sad? I dont want my friends to be sad.

My therapist is an interesting fellow. He loves stroaking my ego. I wonder if he is honest about his assessment of me, or if he is filling me full of shit!


Allanna said...

Yes, you do set the bar high, my dear.

But, truly, I think it's your little imperfections that make me adore you so.

I agree with your therapist. Talking about the bad things, getting it out of your system, is a good idea.

If nothing else, you could always submit the stories to postsecret or to sixbillionsecrets.

However, I say bring it on. Put the ugly stuff into the light of day ... let us help by listening.

We love you, you know. Not because you're perfect or because we think you've had an easy life or butterscotch like that. We love you because you're YOU. ^_^

Lynette said...

I think you are a wonderful person! You are a Fun, wonderfully a little zany, and a riot to be around. You have a big heart and worry too much about sharing things with people. Your have friends that love you and want to help included. I hope you know I love you for you!

Random Extracts said...

I love to hear you tell me about your shitty past. It is comforting to know that there are still other people out there suffering from some bad luck and poor choices.

But really my dear imperfect aquarian compatriot, I didn't get a degree in counseling for NOTHING. Bring it on. I want to know more about your flaws and imperfections. I want to have more reasons to be against war and the military industrial complex. I need anecdotes and data! Help me out here!

I love you too, sweetie poo. Even though your boobs are way better than mine.

MindRiot1971 said...

You have heard me out about a lot of hard to tell things. You have seen me cry about things i had never yet cried about, things that i was in mourning about.Things no one not even those closest know.And like you there are things people want to help me with and i wont let them because i am afraid they will hurt me and or hurt me again and i see that hurts them more that i wont let them love me or help me than if i talk about the horrorshow i called life.NOt expressing these things holding them in brings illness in a way, further depression, feelings of failure, and the worse thing we can ever believe is that shutting down or hiding will make the pain go away and that we are saving our loved ones from sadness.I for one am more saddened when someone is worried they are hurting me by talking to me about the pain, abuse, suffering.Good people hurt with you when you hurt and then they do all they can to love you through it.One last thing i discovered in my life ...when i shut up about the horrible shit that happened to me i was in a way was still being hurt by those people when i talk about it with those that love me it helps me to stop the damage others did.
You know people like Holly and me are totally for hearing you out and loving you through it..By the way imperfections teach us and show that we are real and some of these so called imperfections are not imperfections they are signs of character.Does that make sense..hell i am the least perfect person out there..

John Hoskinson said...

I used to have the same problem, even though I knew nobody is perfect or anything I always used to feel like I had to be.

My counselor always told me to talk about crap to people. But I'm just not one for talking, never been able to and never will. I think most the time when you can move on with your life and forget the past, it just happens on it's own.

Brooke said...

thanks is good to not feel alone