Saturday, February 2, 2013

Get over it!

So, yesterday, a friend showed me some pictures we had taken right before we went out for her birthday.  They were ridiculous.  I cannot take a picture without purposefully making myself look disgusting.  Why - not because I am funny, but because I hate how I look in pictures.  If I contort myself, then I look bad because I am silly, rather than fat and ugly.

Terra posted this link on fb today.  Thanks for the eye opener...I needed it.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Immediate Gratification

I don't understand patient people...patience is not virtue, it is definitely a waste of time.  I want instant gratification!

Things in my life that require patience, but PISS ME OFF:

Shoe shopping:  No one carries my size...Sasquatch size....What pisses me off is that they claim to carry them...  Can I try a size eleven?  No problem, we can order those for you and ship them straight to your house even!  - OK, if I wanted to buy online, I would have stayed home and done so... I wouldn't have had to put on pants.  AND I want to try them on...because my fat ass feet need to try things on.  I understand they can be returned... I am lazy and WON'T return them.  I understand shipping is free... NONONNNONNNO...  I have trouble with other clothing too, but don't want to discuss how my butt won't fit into jeans.

On the talk of my obese behind, why can't I lose weight TODAY.  Ok, I understand it takes work, but if i work out for like a week and restrict my calories like that whole time, I should be GODDAMN DROPDEAD Gorgeous.  I mean, how long do people have to deal with my cranky ass before I get to eat again?

Automated phone systems...if I have to wait thirty minutes EVERYTIME I call your company, hire more employees.  I don't even feel snarky about this...that is just poor customer service and basically saying you don't want more business.  Well, maybe you just don't want mine...I can understand that.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Hobo Shopping

I went shopping with my friend Charlee yesterday.

We went to the classiest of joints, so of course, we started at Ross Dress For Less...

I looked in the mirror and I looked unmistakably like a transient.  By the way, I am a very good looking transient.

I found out, surprisingly, that sequined jumpsuits may not be the best choice for the plump American woman... disappointing.

We were trying to find fabulous dresses for Charlee's Birthday Extravaganza this weekend...alas....this is what I found:

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Pants of My Future

I love the pants.  I am losing weight just to wear pants like these...a goiter belly really cant pull them off.  Only problem:  I am sure I will immediately start bleeding as soon as I put these on.

Not Just Big Boned

So, I have been on a diet for about a month now.  I started right before news years.  It is a new years resolution thing, but I started early so I would gorge myself and give myself ten extra pounds to lose.

I have lost a little over 7 pounds.  I feel good.  Dont worry, I am not going to disgust you with what I ate....maybe with descriptions of my shits, but this is not about that.  For the first time in my life, I can see myself actually losing weight.  It isnt just an effort made while really believing, or knowing that the first time I see cheesecake, I am going to eat it.... and not just a slice...I am going to eat the whole damn thing. 

So, if anyone else is dieting, hit me up.. I am on use the mobile app.

I think the positive outlook has come from finally being realistic with myself.  I cannot just tell myself I am big boned.  I am fat.  I may not be grossly O-Beast....I may be healthy, but I am getting older and the fat will catch up to me.  This conversation with myself was not negative..I believe in myself and I know I am a beautiful human being. 

The conversation was realistic.

There are certain things I want in life.  In order to achieve some of those, I need to present myself in the best ways possible.  I need to be fit and healthy.  While I am healthy and strong now... I need to not look like a jelly donut...although I do love jelly donuts!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Joe Pa and Steven Tyler

– So, I feel for Joe Paterno. He gets the boot right before finding out he is dying and then he dies months later. He was a cute little old man too. I like little old people. They are like little dolls. My friend Dustin gives the best tribute: RIP Joe Paterno RIP, he means Report Information on Pedophiles.

I listened to Steven Tyler's rendition of the star spangled banner today. Terrible, I agree, but give the guy a break. He is like 8,000 years old. Pretty good for a mummy.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Grinch

Why do I hate Christmas??????

I have figured it out. It has to do with those assholes singing in my face, smelling of Idaho Gold, asking for money. I cant even decipher what you are saying dude...and you think I should pay you for that serenade?

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

My Whorish Vagina

Uggghhh.... Doctor visit after Doctor visit. This whole ordeal of health just seems like unending torture!

Today I had two appts. The first was my first appt. with my new physical therapist. I like her a lot. I dislike the scheduler in the office. ALOT. Other than the vaginal exam...all was great.

The second appt was for an ultrasound. After explaining the whole shebang, the technician asked it I was concerned about the internal...vaginal part of the exam. I told her that recently everyone has been have at it. She found that funny.

Well, hopefully we can fix this sciatic pain. The ovary pain...looks like it probably isnt a pelvic floor issue. My crotch muscles run strong...thanks mom for teaching me about keigels.

Virtual Bodies...

Thank you to the beautiful Miss Desiree who shared this with me. Truthfully, I had to look google H and R to even know what they were... haha... but it is pretty unsettling to know that no one has a body perfect enough for some of the retailers out there - but only because they havent seen my naked body. I hide out under layers of clothes so that I am not chased down as a runway underwear model! Oops! My secret is out.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Forgot my luggage in the Middle East

I was reading through some of the blogs that interest me. I remember a time when I was truly involved with the causes I care for. Now, I read and forget. I dont act. I lost some sort of motivation when I went to Iraq. It depresses me. The realization makes me act less. I think about being more involved and then I decide that no one really gives a crap what I think. What the hell is wrong with me? Where the hell did Brooke go?