Thursday, July 31, 2008

Offended Vanity

"Offended vanity is the great separator in social life."
Arthur Helps

As most of you know, I am the world's biggest smack talker. I live to give others a hard time. I have been a little worried about this favorite past time lately...people sometimes seem to get so offended by what I meant as a joke. Am I in the wrong or are they just TOO sensitive?

An example:

I love making fun of east coasters. Why? Simple. They are freaking east coasters. East coasters are so uptight. They live to work; whereas, here in the Pacific Northwest, we work to live. There is a huge difference. So, I was making fun of east coasters, and someone corrected me saying that not all east coasters are anal retentive freaks of nature. I had forgotten about Southerners. Didn't they open up a can of worms? The only thing worse than an east coaster is a southerner.

Yes, southerners have a reputation of southern hospitality, but that hospitality is all a bunch of crap. You know those women are talking about your outfit as you leave and would sleep with your husband if they had a chance. They are fake.

As a joke, I mentioned to some mormon women that I get along great with southerners and their fakey attitudes, because I am used to it; I grew up mormon.

Oh boy! Whew did I piss of some ladies...It was a joke....a simple joke. The problem was that it certainly hit home.

So, who was in the wrong here? Should I have kept my mouth shut (an impossible task for me), or should they have accepted that it was an obvious joke and got over themselves?

As most know, I am not easily offended, so naturally, I think the latter is the solution. When I was young, I occasionally got all butt hurt over stuff that I thought was a direct insult to me or something I value, but my father would always tell me to "go get some self esteem." While I may be totally unepathetic when I state this, I tell all of you to "GO GET SOME SELF ESTEEM!!!"

Where can you find self esteem? I could get all sentimental and touchy here, but I won't. That just isn't my style. I can only tell you what I do. We all know we aren't perfect. I am far from perfect... I have the grace of a hippo, the mouth of a rooster, and the perverse mind of a 12 yr old boy. I also have a very intuitive mind, a deeply caring heart, and the biggest shit eating grin on the planet. For every negative (or seemingly negative) quality that could make me feel horrible about myself, I match it with something great about myself. None of us are perfect, so it isn't very exceptional that we have flaws. We all have flaws. What truly defines us is our exceptional talents and positive character traits.

So, next time I am the rude ass I tend to be and I make you feel bad about yourself, just remind your self that you are aren't a rude ass like Brooke.

"I've had nothing yet", Alice replied in an offended tone: "so I ca'n't take more."
"You mean you ca'n't take *less*. It's very easy to take *more* than nothing."
the Mad Hatter's response to Alice (Lewis Carroll)

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