I am not perfect. By any measure, I do not make it to perfection. I dont know why, but it seems that if I do not seem perfect all the time, then I am not good enough. I used to think that this was all in my head, but I have had people verify it. People expect me to be perfect. I should have been better about not doing so well in the past so that expectations wouldnt become so high.
It is just so hard to give yourself so much to people and then with one tiny and really insignificant mistake, they are not there for you. They come back when they need you though.
Not everyone is like this. I have made some new friends who seem actually quite the opposite. They are great!
My counselor thinks I need to talk to people more about the abuse I have incurred in life. I dont know if I can do that. He thinks that when I talk things out I am able to intellectualize and move on. He is right. The question is, how do you tell someone about horrible things that make them sad? I dont want my friends to be sad.
My therapist is an interesting fellow. He loves stroaking my ego. I wonder if he is honest about his assessment of me, or if he is filling me full of shit!
Spicer is Out
10 hours ago